Well this is certainly not what I had in mind for my first blog post, but yesterday at Small Group, the discussion on opening up, and telling how we can help each other, and teach others to help us has made me see the importance of telling what's going on in my life. Today I got some horrible news from back home. A really close friend of mine, Janielle, just passed away; it is believed that she killed herself. I'm gonna check out from IIT for a few days, go home, see my friends family and show them that I love them. She had a twin sister too. Her name is Rachelle and they were best friends.
I can still remember the day I met Janielle, of course she was with her sister, they were hardly ever apart, it was the first day of 7th grade, and we had just started at a new school. In my town, there are 7 public, and 3 private elementary schools, and everyone comes together for 7th grade. You can imagine how a 12 year old might feel being in those halls and classes with a thousand other strangers. I was in band with the only 2 other people I knew Taylor and Cameron, we weren't that good of friends, but I had gone to school with them for years, and Rachelle and Janielle sat in front of us; we were trying to decide if they were twins or not. Rachelle had this ridiculous looking fake curly hairpiece in, and Janielle had straight blonde hair, thick framed glasses, and baggier clothes. She was definitely a tom boy. I don't remember how I got voted to do it, but I was the one to ask if they were twins, I'm sure they probably thought I was dumb for asking, but it started a conversation, and led to a less awkward class.
After that class, I found out that I'd have science with Janielle. We walked there together, and ended up sitting together which would last the entire year. We became really close that year, through band and then we did track together. Going to track meets was a blast because they weren't allowed to eat junk food at home, so we'd get to the concession stand and they'd buy everything and give me candy and pizza, it was hilarious. Band trips with those two had so many memories. Freshman year, Janielle some how convinced her sister that this tube of super glue she had was really lip gloss, and when she put it on, her lips got stuck together. Our director spent and hour with those 2, while the rest of the band stood around waiting. We couldn't go home until they were unstuck. For the next few years of band, under the performance rules was listed "no super glue!"
Janielle always loved my pet rabbit. She would always run to see him in my backyard whenever it was their grandma's turn to drive us home. They got a bunny soon after that and named her Flopsy. Janielle loved that rabbit. They were so upset when their grandma got rid of it. I don't think they loved anything more than that bunny, except maybe each other.
I have so many other memories of her, like when I moved into my new house, they convinced me that they were such good painters, so the three of us painted my new bedroom. Janielle got so impatient with the paint drying that we peeled the tape off early. To this day, the orange is smeared into the white all around the room.
They always wanted to go running too, even though none of us were really good at it. One weekend in winter before track started, they convinced me and our friend Megan to run a couple miles with them. We only did 2 and then went back to their house looking at old yearbooks of her parents. All of our teachers were still in them, we laughed so hard.
I could probably write a novel telling the stories of all the good times I had with Janielle, but sometimes it's nice to keep those memories to myself, and even if I did write them all down, I'm sure I'd remember something else the second I hit publish. I'm thankful that God has blessed me with her presence so that I could enjoy the small amount of time I had with her. I feel even more blessed that Rachelle is still around for those memories to continue. It's hard to find God's meaning in this all since she took her own life, but I'm convinced that something good will come out of this, even if it isn't clear to any of us now.
I want all of you to know that if you ever feel like you're at the point where you can't take it anymore, that I will be there for you. For those that might not know, I lost another friend earlier this year; she got in a car accident the weekend of fall retreat and passed away due to brain injuries about a week later. So I've been there, and I know what it's life to suffer a loss. I also know what it's life to find hope and happiness afterwards. I would like you to keep Rachelle in your prayers, Janielle was basically the only real family she had left. Hopefully this weekend will be a good time for all of us to reconnect back home. I often take for granted all of the amazing friends I have been blessed with back home and even you guys here at school, those that can show me God's grace through every day things.
~Steph
Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
